The One Who Has Waited Long

  I wonder sometimes how hard it must be for the Lord, and how heavy the longings He carries become...  as He patiently waits for each of us —for me— to listen, to be ready to hear and accept, to take in what He is working to teach me at this moment. To show me about Himself and about how He made and rejoices over me, and how He is working incredible things together.  It must be an enormous weight.

  But (wonderfully!) He is so dearly, beautifully, awesomely patient as my eyes and ears and heart strengthen to withstand a little bit more glory. And so endlessly, breathtakingly creative in how many ways He communicates each new chip of diamond He helps my soul be ready to receive. 

“I stuck my hat up,

I caught the raindrops;

I drank the water,

I felt my veins pop. 

I’m nearly sanctified

-I’m nearly broken!-

I’m down the river,

I’m near the open. 

I’m down the river to where I’m going.”

                        (—NEEDTOBREATHE, ‘More Heart, Less Attack’)

  Often He does His shepherding for me throughout a whole day or over a week.  I’ll take a picture of a verse or two and maybe a quote that stood out to me at different times during the day, and keep track of songs or lyrics that keep cropping up in my head or are really moving me as I go about my day.   Then in the evening, when I go to read the verse of the day email I haven’t looked at yet, it’ll be the same as one I took a photo of hours earlier, or directly tie into a verse or song or theme from what I’ve been keeping track of since morning.  Sometimes I’ll see another same or complimentary verse while I’m teaching or running errands.  Maybe a radio broadcast I listen to at random or the book I’m reading will reference or speak to the same themes, to my surprise.  Then I’ll open my devotion journal later to record all those verses, songs, quotes and whatnot, and the pre-written verse or quotes on the journal page for the day will again reflect the same things. 

  This happens regularly essentially every week, if not many times a week.  And I’m surprised, and really touched and moved every time.

  And then surprised that I’m surprised.

  Of course He would do that, and would do it for me...but also how beautiful that the God of heaven and earth would care to and want to orchestrate such gestures for a little person like me. 

  It makes me think of my favorite piece of literature ever, from C.S. Lewis‘s ‘The Horse and His Boy’; when Shasta is wondering, lost at night, on an ordinary not-talking horse he doesn’t know how to direct in the least.  Little by little, he becomes aware of a huge Someone, keeping pace beside him in the dark, and has no idea that it’s Aslan.  Of course he’s initially afraid. But as the Someone continues to just be with Shasta, walking in silence, he gradually works up the courage to acknowledge the Someone... and start to wonder about Him. 

  That Great Lion has been slowly, patiently easing Shasta into meeting Him, and waiting for Shasta to conquer his uncertainty and be ready to not just listen, but to /hear/ what Aslan has to tell him. 

‘ “Who are You?” Shasta asked. 

“One who has waited long for you to speak,” said the Voice.  It was not loud, but very large and deep.’

  Then Shasta finds himself telling the Voice everything.  And Aslan unfolds, a little at a time, how He has been caring for and guiding Shasta all this time.  All his life, actually, though he didn’t know it at the time.  And eventually Shasta comes to ask more important questions:

‘“Who are You?” asked Shasta. 

“Myself,” said the Voice. '

  And only then is Shasta ready for the next level of revelation Aslan has been preparing him for.  Only then is he ready to see. 

 ‘The mist had been turning from black to grey and from grey to white....It must have begun happening some time ago, while he had been talking to the Thing. 

...A golden light fell on him from the left. He thought it was the sun. He turned and saw, pacing beside him, taller than the horse, a Lion. 

It was from the Lion that the light came. 

...No one ever saw anything more terrible, or beautiful. 

...Shasta took one look at the Lion’s face, and slipped off the horse and fell at the Lion’s feet.  He didn’t say anything, but then he didn’t want to say anything and he knew he needn’t say anything. 

The High King above all high kings stooped towards him...and touched his forehead with the tip of His tongue.’

  That’s the most beautiful unfolding scene in the world to me.  Without fail, it chokes me up whenever I read or think about it.  And about how the Lord does just that in so many ways for me.  Sometimes, He does that same thing for me through movies. 

  One I very distinctly remember was when we went to watch the new live action Cinderella in 2015 when it came out.  Of course it was magical, beautifully told, cinematically gorgeous, so well acted, and with costumes and sets to die for.  And the sweet, innocent, hopeful and radiant spirit the filmmakers kept in the whole thing was a rare treasure. 

  But it was as Cinderella arrives at the palace, stepping out of the golden pumpkin-coach with palpable anticipation in that glorious blue gown, that my heart heard the still, small Voice whispering just for me;

  “This is a little like how glorious it’ll be when you arrive Home, Dear One, to the Forever I’ve created for you.  You’ll be an even more beautiful new creature.  I’ll be waiting with more anticipation and joy for you than any prince, and I’ll adore waltzing with you before everyone, My breathtaking Little One. 

But My grand ball has no ending, and no stroke of midnight.”

  And needless to say, my heart was far beyond full, and there were tears.  And I couldn’t have felt more loved. 

  I am amazed by how gently He makes my soul stronger and deeper, so that a little at a time, He can give me more of the Eternal —more of Himself— than I could ever have handled a moment before.

  Like the people from the Grey Town in Lewis’s ‘The Great Divorce’, slowly growing more “solid” so they can walk on even the grass of Heaven, grass that is more Real than they were when living on earth.

  Or the Narnians on board the Dawn Treader, slowly becoming stronger and less in need of rest and able to look right into the sun, as they drink the water of that Last Sea and sail closer and closer to Aslan’s Country. 

  How awesome it is that our God “remembers that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14) and adores us so dearly that He loves to restore us  and make us Real with so much care. 

  Recently for me, He took 3 movies within a close time span to keep growing me along a line He’s working on in my heart. 

  From Star Wars Episode IV Rise of Skywalker, then Frozen 2, and the 2019 Little Women, over several re-watches.  (what a combination of genres!)  Maybe at some point I’ll try to unpack and put into words what connected loudly and swept inside me to teach my heart during those three, working together.
  But anyway, beautifully, God uses all kinds of things to speak to us, to strengthen us for a little more of the Eternal.  It’s uncomfortable and even painful, like growing pains at times.  And certainly so many moments are beyond comforting and glorious.  But more than anything, it’s awe-inspiring and amazing to know and /see/ how hard, how carefully, patiently, tenderly He works to strengthen and expand our souls so He can share more of Himself. 

“I’ve been burying a mountain, 

I’ve been running uphill; 

I’ve been pushing up a big wave 

that I’m carrying still. 

I can see over the mountain, 

and I know that it’s real; 

there’s a river made of roses, 

just up over this hill.”

                            (—NEEDTOBREATHE, ‘The Mountain, Pt. 1’)

(All pictures and thoughts are my own; please do not use without permission.  Quotes and lyrics of course belong to their original authors, and are here only for inspiration.)